4 New Years resolutions every TTC mamma should make
How does that saying go again? Oh yeah, new year, new me right? Someone should have added the disclaimer: Does not apply to TTC warriors who can sometimes be on this long road for years. In my case, it was 6.5 years.
Ladies, we are resilient. After all, in order to survive all the testing, needles, dissapointments, appointments, heartbreak, hormones, and the parade of doctors in and out of our lady bits - pretty much all the things that come with this journey, we are basically super gladiators with superhero level disguise abilities. After all, how in the world you manage to stay sane and present as a somewhat functional, contributing member to society with everything going on behind the scenes is nothing short of badass. Marvel should make a movie about us. The Iron Uterus? Or Rhoda and the Legend of the 10 Honeymoon Babies? ok, I digress. But to stay sane on this journey we often adopt coping mechanisms. Some constructive but others…not so much. Below are my suggestions to my hormonally distraught self on how to remain relatively sane and healthy during the journey so when we finally do have those precious munchkins we’re in the right mental, emotional and physical state to not make them request to go home from the hospital with someone else.
Number 1: Stop raiding emotional eating
Stop raiding the junk food aisle at the supermarket once a month ( you know what time of the month). It just makes us feel crappy after and your dentist side-eyes you at the next visit which does nothing for our self-esteem. (Besides, the dollar store is cheaper anyway. Do whatever you want with that information).
Number 2: Stop comparing yourself to other women
Stop comparing yourself to other women on your timeline! To ensure you don’t fall into that dark hole of I’m not good enough/ I’m a failure go ahead and delete all your social media platforms. Then throw your phone into the oven along with that holiday bird at 375 degrees per pound. If you have an iPhone that comes up to 3 hours extra. Then place it in a box. Wrap it up nicely. Take it outside and set it on fire. The warm embers will be the perfect tone for the holiday night addicting extra pizzazz to festivities.
Number 3: Stop taking pregnancy tests every month
Don’t take a test every month whew those tests are not cheap! For me buying a test was like purchasing hope. A little box of tangible hope. I know we’re all hard-headed and test several times a month but take it from me, unless you’ve actually bought shares in Clear Blue or First Response save the money. If you are pregnant I’m pretty sure your body doesn’t keep a secret like that away from you for too long. And if you’re not, think of how much money you’ll save…and have to spend at the dollar store junk food that much … I mean to save because obviously we said we’re not doing that anymore *wipes crumbs off her face*
Number 4: Stop listening to others’ opinions
Repeat after me: opinions don’t pay bills. Opinions don’t make me rich. Opinions don’t help you raise the baby especially at 3am when she decides it’s playtime because her days and nights are mixed up. When you’re Ghanaian that timeline drastically shrinks to a week ( I’ve had friends tell me their pastor told them they’d better come back from their honeymoon pregnant - like seriously?!! ) you are basically expected to be pregnant on the return trip back up the aisle. These people who have taken it upon themselves to schedule your life complete with milestones they never consulted you on needs to kick rocks but we all know they're busy running the WhatsApp news actor desk. Let me tell you something if it’s not “when will you get married” it’s “when will you have a baby!” Then “when will you add one more, Fifi is lonely“ then it’s “add another” but at 3 am when your baby refuses to go back to sleep and won’t stop crying they will be nowhere to be found.
We reject the spirit of African aunty timelines IJN. Who gave anyone the right to dictate your life? My sister find a good series and snuggle with hubby. Rubbish!
Number 5: Prioritize your marriage
Speaking of snuggles with hubby, this brings me to my last point. Prioritize your marriage- TTC takes so much out of you emotionally, physically, financially - every “;y” there is. Getting intimate and romantic is hard when it’s dictated but the smiley face or blue line on the ovulation pee stick. Marriages crumble under the weight of infertility and subsequent strains on every aspect of your lives so it’s important to find what makes you guys YOU again and enjoy that.
Date nights, spontaneous dancing in the kitchen, and speaking each other’s love language can feel like a drop of water in a drought. You guys are dealing with the weight of the world often in silence so remember to take time to reconnect. Remember your vows were to each other, as you were on that day. Not to a child or what may or may not come. When your family does grow you want that child to enter a healthy environment so prioritizing your relationship and making sure it’s nurtured throughout the journey is key.
